To my understanding you’re feeling incomplete within yourself, like something is off in your being. You’re anxious about vocalizing your worries, in fear that you won’t be heard. It sounds to me like you should try more instrospection. I know you’ve done some journaling, and to further figure out what it is that you need, try rereading your entries. The consistency isn’t as important of a factor until you know your purpose for writing. Write with intention, do everything with intention. I personally am a writer and I've formed the habit of rereading past entries before starting a new one. Doing this allows me to see where I was vs where I am, and how to change the course of my thoughts. If I notice I’m constantly writing/worrying about the same things, it leads me to shifting my mindset for the new entry. You should try not to let your anxieties cloud your judgement when it comes to who is willing to listen and who isn’t. You’ll never know how somebody feels, or what they’re willing to deal with until you actually get past the mental block of reaching out. It’s going to be tough, but the best first step is always to try. You can also try talking to yourself in the mirror, to even get comfortable being vocal. All in All, I suggest you start to look at yourself in a brighter light. The way you genuinely feel is reflected in your capacity to be honest. You’re wanting to rebuild a relationship with yourself, so I’d suggest strengthening your intuition, allowing your thoughts to pass and acknowledging the way you feel without claiming that feeling. You can feel lost, but you are not lost. You can feel incomplete, but you are whole. These feelings don’t have to make a home inside your body, always remember that you can change the way you feel. Shape your mindset to progress forward, you will end up stuck in a lack mentality. Find what it is that you want to make better, and take those proper, and healthy first steps toward elevation.
What is your “why”? What’s pushing you to want to be better? If those answers don’t start with a Y, come with an O and end with a U, that is when you will ask the right questions and find out. Believe in your ability to reconnect to yourself and your inner world.