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Advice Column 💌 Discomfort in Solitude + Codependency, Childhood Trauma + Self Harm.

Hey Dev 🌸

To my understanding you are extending yourself to your relationship but feel like you need to extend to yourself as well! This isn’t abnormal at all, it’s actually pretty common. What I can advise from experience is to rebuild your relationship with...SELF! It can be tough to go back to being an individual when you’re a part of a pair, your mental and emotional health begin to feel a little challenged. Maybe wondering what you could even get into without the other. Codependency is a slippery slope! You get so comfortable and accustomed to always having someone you love by your side, that you lose sight of what it means to live in solitude. Everything gets consumed by the notion that your significant other has a say so, or should be involved. You are still an individual. You may not be single but you are still ONE person. Attachment vs Connection, there’s a huge difference and a significant impact between the two. Try to make time to really understand and innerstand what makes you happy when you’re not around your significant other.

In connection to uncovering some childhood trauma, your inner child is the gateway back to Self. Revisit hobbies and activities you liked to do as a child, even prior to getting into a relationship. Your idle hands are asking you to let them guide you back home into your body. We often dismiss our bodily connections because it becomes a routine to use it. Utilize instead of using your body. Express gratitude to body parts —to your feet for carrying you throughout the day, your ears for allowing you to hear messages, to your lips for supporting you in upholding your boundaries and things like that. This is what’s going to bring you back to your individuality, because you’ll begin to really realize how much you rely on yourself to make it through. You’re so used to daily tasks such as washing your face, typing on your phone, even being at work, that any unfamiliar sensation is a trigger to what other things you used to do.

Without going into much detail about it, I would advise you find another way of physically expressing your frustrations, mental blockages or festering emotions. Don’t take it out on yourself, love. You’re doing the best you can with what you have and you should credit yourself for that.

Ways to rebuild your relationship with your own body and your mental health is to TREAT YOURSELF. You eat, sleep, bathe, work and breathe in YOUR body with self. Run a nice bath, go for a nature walk and find one of something that represents each color of the rainbow. Bring consciousness and breathe life back into your soul, Devyn. You are still a strong, intuitive and powerful individual. If your relationship doesn’t remind you of your individuality and independence find ways to bring that in.

You could definitely utilize daily affirmations, gratitude prompts and even shadow work prompts to aid you healing your inner child. @prettyboyxo offers prompts on the blog, as well as I offer healing services and guidance @teyeshai!

As you stated yourself, you need to be your own friend. Write letters to yourself and re-read them after three months or even three days to remind yourself that you are all that you have in times where your significant other isn’t there, that you are still home inside of your own body.

You are loved, you are equally light and dark, you are whole!

❥ @teyeshai

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