This past Taurus New Moon, I took time to digest my life in all aspects, to release whatever is limiting who I am & blocking new abundance. One thing that stuck from Mariah’s New Moon reading was note of needing to let go of old coping mechanisms, vices, & perspectives because they don’t serve the version of myself that I am walking into. I’ve been indulging into outside sources & voices — the stranger’s voice instead of my own. I’ve become too sensitive to the wrong noise. I’ve self sabotaged due to desiring outside validation as motivation. I’m too invested in chaotic thoughts instead my intuition. There’s been too much of inner conflict jeopardizing my manifestations because of this lacking perception of authenticity.
As I went down my list of toxic vices, I realized the root of a lot of anxiety & blockages is social media . Maintaining the image of the person I want to be has started feeling impossible from me losing sense of self & becoming a canvas for others to project their own opinions & beliefs on. My confidence has decreased overtime because I’ve suppressed a lot of projections & turned them into my perspective... I feel like whether we want to admit it or not, many of us can relate to this.
Since my childhood, I’ve looked outside of self for approval because I didn’t feel that validation from my family. Slowly their views of life conditioned me into making myself smaller for everyone else.
I remember being told, “You live in a fantasy world”, & I moved as if it never affected my inner child, but it did.
I’ve convinced myself I’m not good enough, but honestly I haven’t allowed myself to be my authentic self at my full potential because of those limiting beliefs I’ve attached to. I’ve reinvented myself on social media several times looking for outside approval, & it’s only led me to no longer be able to fight or flight, only shut down. We will never be adequate enough to meet the standards of someone else’s reality or ideas.
I’m thankful for the awareness I have now. I decided for myself I would turn off my notifications for all social media to turn back inward. Dropping everyone’s expectations & opinions feels like a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. Social media will no longer distort my perception because I will be more aware of my intentions when engaging. I am focused on creating my own reality, & living as who I’ve decided for myself.