Body Language
“It’s not just how you speak to me, look at how you treat me.” My body said.
We’ve been having this love/hate relationship for years. It started in 2012... I forced her to fit the mold of what I deemed to be perfect. Telling her, her thighs were too big, stomach too flabby, she could be better! In 2012, I started battling multiple eating disorders, that were never result of me having an “unattractive” body, but were result of me never being taught to love myself thoroughly and genuinely. This battle became something lifelong... even now I still struggle with disordered eating and having to force myself to nourish my temple because THAT is love.
Love does not deprive, it fulfills. I came into this mantra of “How you treat your body is how you speak to your body.” Vowing to speak love and life into myself through my actions, after so many years of engulfing myself in hate.
I feel so many men and women alike can relate. How we’re all expected to conform into what body shape is acceptable in society. In 2012, the most acceptable body was one with a thigh gap, the heroin chic, sickly thin looking body and now it’s the complete opposite. I see many people praising the body I was starving myself to get rid of 9 years ago! If there’s anything this journey has taught me it’s that my own validation is all I need. The most beautiful body is a healthy one, and that’s something I have to work on feeding myself everyday.
It’s not just looking in the mirror and saying “You’re beautiful, you’re abundant, and prosperous.” It’s cooking myself a warm meal when I’m depressed and wanting to neglect my own needs. Fixing myself a hot cup of tea to calm my nerves instead of going to bad coping mechanisms. Not eating junk food I know is going to increase my depressive emotions. Even allowing myself to wear a tank top in the summer without thinking about how I’ll look to others. These are all things myself and others struggle with on a daily.
Hidden in the most confident people are still parasites feeding away at our self esteem - implanted by society. I call this the detoxification process, realizing where these negative perceptions come from and how they NEVER came from my own ideas of what beauty should or shouldn’t be. I know summer is coming around soon, so I wanted to write this for those who endure the same struggles I do. To let you know you’re not alone or at fault for never being taught to love on you as you are. May this be the summer you find the courage to be you, authentically you, and fall in love with yourself!
-Mariah 🌍