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Confidently Lost


Channeled from Sabrina Claudio

Amidst the chaos of my own mind and the world around me, I get caught up in the time loops of wondering where I’m going. What am I really doing here? I ask myself often. Is this going to help or hinder my growth? Does it even matter? These are questions that I ponder, and whether or not I overthink the already existing answer is up for debate.

While on this life long journey to wherever my future aligns, I make decisions that alter my courses after being presented a number of options. I never know where I’ll end up, but I always have high hopes that the path leads me to where I’m destined to be. All of these twists and turns, sharp lefts and rights show me my wrongs and my flaws. Seeing hidden sides of myself in the light of those I come across. Adapting and adjusting to conditions around me, shape my personality to the point that I’m forever evolving into and out of different outlines of who I used to be. I’m still not sure where I’m going, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. It’s a lot different than where I came from, and as I navigate new territory, I wonder if I ever even belonged there. Where do I belong? Why do I feel wanderlust? So connected to places I’ve never been.

The further I venture, the more alone I begin to feel. I find that I don’t fit the mold or the missing puzzle piece most people are looking for. What I have is peace and individuality that ensures that, no matter how lost I am, how far into solitude I go, the world needs me. I need the world. I have to offer what some don’t even know exists and vise versa.

I am confidently confused. Confident in my own unknown’s. My walk is long, giving me time to look at the age in the tree bark for as long as I see fit. My growth is reflected in the nature around me, the way it's slow but significant. All the days I spend hiding, fearful of the vultures that are hunting their prey. Why am I afraid of vultures when they only prey on dead things? Is the most logical question. Sometimes when I can’t see my growth, I fall into a rabbit hole of scenarios, playing out the most unfortunate series of events. The greatest moments of my life exist on the opposite side of fear, and along my journey I learn that I am not being hunted, and that if I could see from a vulture’s point of view, my light and life source don’t even look like the type of midday meal anyways.

For those times where I feel lost on my way, I remind myself that that’s kind of the whole point. To be lost and utilize your resources, in order to make your way through. My efforts leave bread crumbs behind me, so that if anyone is looking for a way out, they'll find their way as well. This is strongly present in my purpose, where I guide from experience. I am the storyteller who sits you on a fallen log, in front of my makeshift campfire. I enlighten you with stories and knowledge from the past, and from my own learnings, I shed light on those dark alleyways you hadn’t seen from your point of view. From your walk of life. I am the storyteller who shows you the roses that grew in the dark, out of the crevasse of the concrete. My path provides me with wisdom, using those times I scraped my knees and disengaged hidden traps, to help me navigate conflict with that same confidence. I cannot protect myself from events I cannot see, but I can prepare myself mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually, to be able to withstand anything. Sometimes, I may find myself lost on my journey, yet I’m still making gracious steps forward. I know this can’t be the end, not even close so I enjoy the walk. Like it’s a stroll through a park I’ve never been, or a butterfly garden, that I’m confidently lost in.

❥ @teyeshai

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