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Connectedness with Self while Dating

Being connected with yourself is the first step to love and connectedness in your partnerships and friendships. It can sometimes be difficult to have a healthy dating life when you struggle with self-love. It’s not impossible to develop self-love while dating but when you love and accept yourself, you are less likely to put up with people and situations that are not in your alignment. Oftentimes, dating brings forth insecurities and can leave you feeling vulnerable. Self-love allows you to set the standards for yourself about what is acceptable and what’s not. Your values and sense of self worth works like an anchor, allowing you to stand your ground and stay true to your worth. Self-love teaches you that you are not in need of someone else’s approval and when you experience failure in dating, you are more likely to look at it as a small detour rather than an overwhelming setback.

Not having self-love in dating, you will find yourself being more critical of yourself- causing you to make dating choices from a place of fear and insecurity instead of acting from a place of security and worth. When you don’t know or question your true values, it can leave you questioning your every action as well as the actions of the person you’re dating. “Rather than knowing how wonderful and worthy you are, you wonder how the other person will react and how you’ll be perceived.” Sometimes this allows you to change who you are or accept less than what you deserve out of fear of losing the other person. When you are dating and do not have much self love, sometimes this can leave you feeling undeserving of the love you are receiving and, of course, the insecure thoughts and feelings locked up inside can cloud your thinking and can be shown in your actions coming off as insecure etc.

The way you move in your relationship and friendships is a direct reflection of how you feel about yourself. When you find yourself dating emotionally unavailable partners or just people who don’t treat you right, sometimes that’s a sign you need to love yourself more- because these partners are reflecting back what you are also missing in yourself. Remember- like attracts like and whatever frequency you admit, is the frequency you get in return (It’s a bad cycle because then you start talking about how men are trash and it only further pushes the narrative you have manifested).

Self love is the blueprint and sets the foundation for how you deserve, want and expect to be treated. When you love yourself and take responsibility for your own happiness, you will attract partners who love themselves and allow others to love you just the same as you love yourself.

However, it’s really “to each its own” if you believe that you have to fully know how to love yourself before you start dating. Although it's great to be sure of yourself before you embark on any journey, it’s not always necessary. We aren’t perfect and we cannot always sit back and “wait until the right moment”, because whatever moment you choose, it will be the right moment. Every moment is a learning experience; we’ve become so attached to situations that we forget to use them as opportunities to learn and grow, to discover what it is we want or don’t want. Use the best discretion for your life, whatever works best for you, do it.

Some ways to continue to strengthen your self-love & worth while dating are:

1. Setting and keeping clear boundaries, maintaining other friendships, having alone time to invest in yourself + personal hobbies

2. Being honest & transparent, open communication about your thoughts, feelings, doubts, fears etc.

3. Recognize when someone you’re dating adds value to your life vs adding validation

4. Make time for those who make effort to be in your life, don’t chase someone around trying to make them see your worth

5. Trust your own decisions and stick by your values, you know what feels right for you and your life. If you’re not okay with it and it doesn’t align with your values, don’t force yourself to accept less than you deserve

6. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made in the past, be gentle with yourself and practice self-compassion

“As you love yourself more by way of your thoughts, words and actions, you create within yourself a sense of calm and trust, which puts you into a space of allowing and receiving. This is your power, love is your power.”

Brey’ ✨ | @LostinAura

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