More rain, more flowers

My relationships are shifting heavily. I’m gaining this new awareness of myself and how I operate in my relationships and it’s allowing me to step up and take accountability, even if it wasn’t necessarily my fault. I’m no longer placing blame on others so that I can remain the same. So often we, as a collective, will get hurt and point fingers because well... we got hurt! It’s normal. But where can we go from there? How do we heal? How do we learn from it? How can we learn from our hurt if we hold onto it and relive it every chance we get? We cannot heal in situations where we’ve given someone else the power to gift us closure.. we must find that ourselves. You know how long I’d be waiting if I waited for my first heartbreak to mend my resentments in love? How many people I’d probably scar due to my own pain? All because I’m waiting on someone else to PROVE to me that it’s okay for me to move on. Sometimes we don’t even realize how much comfort we find in the cloak of victimhood. It paralyzes us with fear and keeps us stuck in the same mentalities, emotions, environments etc. At what point do we stop blaming others for forcing us in that cloak and realize that WE are the ones who keep running to it for safety? I stepped out from under it through taking accountability for myself out of love. I realized I’d never held myself accountable before because it felt too much like I was being reprimanded. Honestly, I was just ashamed to admit I put myself in situations where my heart & soul were telling me to leave, but my ego told me to stay to prove I was worthy.

I would stand under a falsehood of love and get left out in the rain every time - eventually having to walk back into my cloak of victimhood. But the love I have for self allows me to view things differently. Now that I’m out of it, taking accountability for not looking out for myself properly, I see victimhood is only a perspective. This rain is not as scary as it seems, in fact, it’s helping me grow. My integrity will protect me, always. As the famous saying goes “Some people dance in the rain, others just get wet.”

-Mariah 🌿