I’ve spent my entire childhood to young adulthood people pleasing. If you shamed me, I went the extra mile to prove myself.
If you didn’t like me, I forced myself to show you every reason to like me. If you humiliated me, I’d grieve then suck it up and pretend that it never happened, and if my ‘no’ upset you I turned around and said yes, just to keep the peace. I feared upsetting people, or giving people an excuse to converse about me.
I feared the idea of being called selfish or stuck up for prioritizing myself and listening to my intuition.
This way of being and thinking made me vulnerable and open to being torn apart.
But, I am getting comfortable with the feeling of not being liked or loved by everyone. I honestly no longer have the desire to.
People-pleasing burnt me out. I wasn’t living for myself, I was living solely for approval. I had to decide whether I’d spend another day, month, or year living life for others or for me.
Yesterday I sat in silence and reflected on situations I was in where I’d give almost anything and everything I had to others, but never got that in return.
I was angry and disappointed that I had allowed the same people to hurt me again. After reflecting, I released any bitterness and anger I felt for them. I released any judgement I created about them because of their actions, and I also released the obligation I thought I had to keep these people in my life, and keep them pleased.
I let them go with love and in peace, and decided to choose myself-from this moment and forever.
Obviously this won’t erase the inevitable of people coming to me trying to get pleased. But I’ll be weary of these people, enforce my boundaries, and not feel a way if I upset anyone because of this.