Being feminine doesn’t make you any less of a person than if you were to be masculine, whether or not it be in a man or woman’s body. Remove gender from the energy, for the fact that men and women should equally hold and honor both their masculine and feminine sides. The topic of masculinity and femininity are redundant in this social climate but these are uncomfortable conversations we need to grow more comfortable with having and listening to. The term ‘Gender Roles’ was created in 1955 by John Money, while studying individual expression of an intersex person’s status as a man or woman. We grow up with the woman being the caretaker and the man being the one doing all the heavy lifting. This is challenged by Men who are more feminine presenting and Women who are more masculine presenting. This dynamic is a big conversation starter and holds a lot of controversy, simply because it’s not “normal”, with complete diregrard to the fact that as an outsider, you cannot determine which energy a person is more comfortable in. A man who is in touch with his femininity is frowned down upon because he is then seen as ‘soft’. What’s wrong with a gentle man? Do we not appreciate men who are empathetic and nurturing? Or is that we’re so used to toxic masculinity that an emotionless, indestructible ego is easier to accept? The cultural reset would be to defy against the expectations. Create a new normal. Better yet, push abnormality.
Our audience, on the blog, is majority women. as a woman, we set the standard, we show people what attention we would like and dislike. Toxic femininity is overlooked because toxic masculinity almost buries it into the shadows. Toxic femininity can be the over-sexualization of our bodies, and even the lack of boundaries due to the nurturing, care-taker image we hold. As stated in the Forbes article by Nancy Doyle, “The answer to centuries of toxic masculinity is not a new era of toxic femininity...” Doyle says that it is leadership and membership that is beyond gender. What I take from this is that, we cannot conquer a dominantly masculine world, by acting how they would. We have to rise above that. This shows up as sacral/solar plexus blockages, feeling misunderstood, feeling small because we have to accommodate the image of what people want to see in a woman. Men and Women of all races, upbringings, and backgrounds will go back and forth for hours, and days, and years, about what’s fair and unfair between the double standards. It’s okay for a man to be topless and have unkept body hair, yet seen as distasteful and less feminine in a Woman. We are constantly looking for someone to point the finger at, when it comes time to evaluate why we operate in such a way in society. We give ‘society’ so much dictatorship over what’s normal, but who is society? Can you go out into your environment and point out what or who society is? It takes a lot of honesty and accountability to be able to unlearn prejudices from the past, and relearn habits and/or tactics that will shape the future.
Think differently, be feminine. Be gentle, set and uphold standards. Be the blueprint, stay curious, don’t settle. Don’t allow the social media standard blind you to your authentic self, your individuality. Don’t allow gender roles to dictate what you can and cannot do. With September’s focus being ‘Sensuality and Sexuality’, part of that is claiming and honing your power. As a species in a world full of energy, we are 90% feminine and 10% masculine, just as we are made up of mostly water. One doesn’t overpower the other as much as it’s made to seem. The 90% isn’t stronger than the 10%, because we need both energies, both fractions to be whole. These are things that get miscommunicated when it comes to gender roles, social norms, and expectations. Yes, being poised, classy, caring, and empathetic are feminine traits, but just as importantly as we are to be empathetic, that 10% of masculine energy plays it’s part and is where firm boundaries are set. Without that 10% of masculine energy, we become people pleasers and overlooked. Our boundaries get stepped on by that underlying narrative of always being receptive to others. The cultural reset would be allowing women to create laws for their bodies, make rules around how we should be handled, and what we see as protection versus control. Doing these things will bring balance back into the Masc/Fem embodiment.
We, as women, have to take back control. Oftentimes, we get caught up in what the world has to say about our femininity, our bodies, what is and isn’t acceptable. By having majority women on the platform creates a safe space for tending to, acknowledging, and gaining knowledge on what it means to genuinely heal. Instead of being the victim and pointing the finger, we create change by policing your own boundaries. We check our assumptions and notice the patterns that need fixing, rather than the people. There are women speaking up for other women in a context that doesn’t resonate with everyone. There are personal opinions from social media influencers and entertainers that get projected onto viewers and bystanders. We allow one groups podcast discussion shape the way we view what a woman’s needs are in relationships, friendships, sexually, emotionally, etc... While it’s great to have such an impact and be heard across the nation, each woman is different. We will all agree to disagree on smaller, more personal topics. On a grander scheme of things, all women can agree that they would like to be respected, to be seen as a person and an experience, not an object or a pass-time for someone’s boredom. No one things is a man or womans responsibility. It requires an equal effort of man and woman, masculine and feminine to take care of each other. To ensure the well-being of children and the community. Though it may come more easily to one than the other, it doesn’t mean that it is that person, or energies only purpose.
Overall, there are miscommunications, barriers, generational beliefs, and traditions that are upheld over centuries, and we still follow the blueprint to this day. We, as culture, as a collective, can choose what standards and roles we validate. There are depths to explore not only in the environment, with galaxies and the deep blues of the sea, but also within ourselves. These are questions and conversationss you don’t have to have with others but can discuss with Self, and see where you’re also playing a role in toxic femininity. Maybe we just need a cultural reset. Individual awareness can bring collective harmony.
- Indiya @indiyatyshai @teyeshai