Maneuvering this human experience has been hard for me. I was a person that always felt directionless, purposeless, worthless. Placing my worth to be validated by things outside of myself. A couple years ago, I couldn’t look in the mirror and find one solid thing that I loved about myself. I was silently suffering from chronic low self esteem, depression, and anxiety most of my life. I remember looking at others and feeling so envious of their comfort in self. Not being able to understand how people could move so authentically and confidently throughout life. This took me to a dark place that caused me to assess everything. Like why am I here? What do I even have to give to humanity? Feeling like I was crawling out of a hole that would only get deeper the more I tried. But I never ceased to climb. See, there was a light inside that would shine when it got too dark saying “Go there, go inward.” I remember a specific revelation that sparked this feeling of interconnectedness within me. It came from a poem called Desiderata by Max Ehrmann:
“You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.”
It allowed me to see that we are simply everything. That if matter creates matter which cannot be destroyed then I am the Sun just as you are the Earth. That the light inside of me was the Sun inside, shining bright to let me know I lack nothing. It was only dark because I was confining myself to a mold that no longer fit me. I was ready to emerge. That I am beautiful because I am an extension of God, whatever I perceive that to be. I am grounded like the Earth, ambitious like Mars, successful like Jupiter, structured like Saturn. I found my universal truth. And thats led me to my purpose. I recognized the divinity within and that caused me to see the Divine being in every living thing. I started to see things with more love - more innerstanding. And where I once was buried in darkness and hate, it became illuminated by the Sun inside.
I was waiting to follow in the footsteps of others hoping it’d lead me to a destined greatness, but everyone who walked before me had heavy footsteps. Too often, my journey would get lost in theirs. How could I make an imprint? I noticed I walked a little lighter, a little faster, more scattered and free... cause that’s just me! I came to a crossroads and asked myself “Which path in front of me will honor my divinity most?” And so I chose the road less traveled. The best thing I ever did was bet on myself by carving my own path. When you do that, you honor what God sent you here to do, and that’s simply to live this human experience in the most authentic way possible.
Walk in your truth.