What’s Given isn’t Stolen.

Lately the biggest theme in my life has been peace vs. happiness. I’ve been trying to find how I can cultivate and maintain both of them, but what I’ve come to realize is happiness is fleeting. This past year I’ve been scrambling - gripping at nothingness to keep things around me that made me happy. I’d get new clothes, nails done, hair done, talk to friends, watch a movie, read a book.. I’d surround myself with all of these external factors that uplifted me for the time being. It wasn’t until the outfits got redundant, until my friends were busy, until my hairstyle got boring again that I realized happiness cannot be maintained because it is not meant to be. Happiness is fleeting because it is meant to be savored in the moment, it is meant to teach us to be grateful in times of sadness. After a while the things we all think bring us happiness get less and less appealing.

We end up back at square one scrambling for that feeling again. I was tired of constantly going and going.. chasing happiness all the time. I wanted to be still and let it come to me, but I realized that what I was looking for was not happiness - it was peace. I wanted to be able to be stripped bare and yet still have peace remaining. This was something that couldn’t come from a spa day at the salon or on a phone call with friends. It was something I had to find within. I had to sit with myself and see how I’d been searching for warmth and shelter in vacant people. Searching for familiarity, but only being drawn to homes that replicated the one within. That was the moment I decided to face myself, turn the light back on inside and dust the cobwebs from the corner. I was tired of searching for happiness outside of myself. I wanted to be able to build a home inside my soul that was only full of peace and happiness. Where people could come and get some love, give some love, and go about their way - taking their happiness with them. I no longer wanted to be a deposit area for other peoples happiness because they deserved to keep that for themselves. I got more meticulous in the way I handled my energy as well. I was so used to blaming outside factors for being unhappy. Like if I went to the store and someone was rude to me, I’d spend the rest of the day mad at the world blaming them for stealing my peace. But did they steal it or did I willingly give it to them? We all have the power to choose who is worth losing peace over. See, cultivating peace is a full time job. It’s a flame you have to babysit and keep alive, it will not light itself. We can all keep this flame steady by realizing absolutely no one or no THING can take our peace from us, only we can give it away. And I hope that this is a reminder to start placing your peace in sacred places only. You truly owe it to yourself.

-Mariah @worlds0ul

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