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Wishful Thinking

I wish I allowed myself to walk through life being more authentic. In a world full of imposters, I wished I believe it was a cool move to just to be me. Putting on facades for years to please those around me. Wondering if the personalities I’ve collected are those true to myself or personalities I’ve collected based of the obligation to please those around me. Here I am at almost 19 years old, and the question still remains… who am I? Do I create the person I want to be or find it? Do I walk through the world not knowing myself in hopes of walking through enough unhealed trauma to relearn the right way of all things I’ve been taught and, somehow, realize where I slipped through the cracks? I unlearn and relearn, but what is new education if I can’t put it to use? What is knowing where I went wrong and knowing how to fix it, if my trauma paralyzes me to the point where I continue to go through the same thing over and over again because I’m stuck in a world where my life is based on surviving and not fulfilling.

And with the knowledge I have and the desires I want to fulfill, I now have to figure out how to look at these traumas and fears in a different perspective to use them to my advantage.


• once recognizing the reasons (and there’s ALWAYS going to be a reason) as to why you react to your surroundings in a certain way, it becomes easier to realize that those reactions are merely there to help to you navigate and never to intentionally hurt you.


• when learning your triggers, it can be easier to realize the way you react and if your reaction was the best way to cope with the situation and figure out how to avoid your triggers all together and simply be able to maneuver around them and still do everything you wish to do.


• after learning your triggers, I feel it’s best to realize if you are an emotional reactor or a logical one. I am an emotional reactor, so I automatically react based on how I feel in that moment without giving myself time to really understand what happened. From experience, reacting that way isn’t always helpful, so figure out what situations allow you to react first and think later or vice versa. Sometimes situations can allow you to use both simultaneously.


• allow yourself time to fully understand and realize that the way you have been reacting to said fears and traumas is a way you’ve been going about life for a long time. Habits whether they be good or bad take time to rebuild. Allow room for mistakes and allow yourself to just simply be human.


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